Articles on this Page
- 04/11/12--08:46: _Salma Hayek Covers ...
- 04/11/12--08:46: _Famed Guitarist Ron...
- 04/11/12--08:46: _The Host Post: Offi...
- 04/11/12--09:06: _Glee's Ryan Murphy:...
- 04/11/12--09:13: _Macy's Stores Featu...
- 04/11/12--09:23: _Kylie Minogue to re...
- 04/11/12--09:28: _Alicia Silverstone ...
- 04/11/12--09:37: _Tabloid Cover Wedne...
- 04/11/12--09:43: _American Horror Sto...
- 04/11/12--09:53: _PREPARE TO HAVE YOU...
- 04/11/12--09:53: _Britney Spears Near...
- 04/11/12--09:53: _GLEE "Dance With So...
- 04/11/12--09:54: _Josh Hutcherson Tal...
- 04/11/12--09:54: _ONTD Roundup
- 04/11/12--10:18: _Singer Romeo Santos...
- 04/11/12--10:18: _Adam Levine knows w...
- 04/11/12--10:18: _Kanye West Thinks K...
- 04/11/12--10:33: _3D Titanic suggests...
- 04/11/12--10:59: _Bears WR Brandon Ma...
- 04/11/12--10:59: _The 30 Best Kiss-Of...
- 04/11/12--08:46: Salma Hayek Covers Marie Claire @Work
- 04/11/12--08:46: Famed Guitarist Ronnie Montrose Committed Suicide
- 04/11/12--08:46: The Host Post: Official Poster
- 04/11/12--09:06: Glee's Ryan Murphy: I dated a lot of football players in high school
- 04/11/12--09:23: Kylie Minogue to release album in May?
- 04/11/12--09:37: Tabloid Cover Wednesday
- 04/11/12--09:43: American Horror Story Casts French Actress Lizzie Brocheré for S2
- 04/11/12--09:53: PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR BREATH TAKEN AWAY TBH
- 04/11/12--09:53: Britney Spears Nears 'X Factor' Deal
- 04/11/12--09:54: Josh Hutcherson Talks DETENTION with Collider
- 04/11/12--09:54: ONTD Roundup
- One Direction Gets Shirtless in Sydney
- Christina Aguilera's Boyfriend Matt Rutler "Happy" With Her Curvier Shape
- European Born This Way Ball Dates Revealed
- Milo Ventimiglia Fills Up Vintage Motorcycle
- Zooey Deschanel Doesn't Want Kids
- Demi Lovato Almost Hits Paul McCartney with Her Car
- Game of Thrones Renewed for Third Season
- Matt Groening Reveals Location of Simpson's Springfield
- Dan Harmon Leaks Another Chevy Chase Voicemail
- ♛ another day, another number 1 for nicki minaj ♛
- The Hunger Games Joins Most Complained About Title List
- Taran Killam is SNL's Next Big Thing
- Jennifer Lawrence: "Screw PETA!" + Josh Huterchson & Liam Hemsworth's Heights Revealed!
- The CW Readies 'The Selection' to Piggyback off The Hunger Games' Success
- Amanda Bynes 'hit a wall in 2008, has been a little lost ever since'
- Gary Ross Confirms He Will Not Direct 'Catching Fire'
- Hillary Clinton Takes Stab At 'Texts From Hillary' Meme
- Stephen King working on new book, "Joyland"
- Flop US 'One Direction' Suing The Other 'One Direction'
- There's A New Pop Star In Town: Carly Rae Jepsen
- Miley Cyrus Slammed for Gluten-Free Diet + Trailer for "LOL"
- Yesterday's ONTD Roundup
- 04/11/12--10:18: Singer Romeo Santos simultates facef**king a fan onstage
- 04/11/12--10:18: Kanye West Thinks Kim Kardashian Is "His Beyonce"
- 04/11/12--10:59: The 30 Best Kiss-Offs in Musical History
'The Host' Poster First Look -- Plus Send Us [MTV] Your Cast Questions!
This Friday, MTV News will be headed to the seeeeecret secret location where alien parasite love story "The Host" is being filmed, where we'll be delivering an exclusive behind-the-scenes missive from the set of this hotly anticipated sci-fi romance. And while we're there, we'll be chatting it up with Saoirse, Max and Stephenie—getting all the dirty details about how production is going so far, and asking them all your most burning-est questions about the film! Which means that now is your moment to run—RUN!—in the direction of Twitter, and tell us what you want to know using the @mtvnews handle and #MTVHost hashtag!
This MTV article doesn't even make sense, I refused to post all of it. TYFYT
We never really pictured Glee creator Ryan Murphy as a popular kid. We always just figured he'd gone through high school as a sensitive and creative aesthete, penning short stories in the back of science class while secretly pining after the boy sitting in front of him.
However, all of that is about to change. According to the Village Voice's Michael Musto, Ryan Murphy says the following on tonight's Inside the Actors Studio: "I was an odd creature in high school because I was a target but also I was popular, and that's because on the sly, I was dating a lot of the football players."
That's right, Murphy says he got around. Now we're picturing him sashaying down the hallway with the quarterback, clutching his books to his chest and judging all the other girls' outfits. Of course, that would've never happened, since Murphy would've gotten a Slushie to the face if he had ever gone public with his football fetish. But still, we like this version of Murphy. Now all the Glee backstage drama makes perfect sense: Murphy is a mean girl!
“I created [my shapewear] for real women, so having the actual women in my life model my collection was the only truthful choice ... Everyone has a body part they’re not thrilled about, and the campaign gives women a firsthand look at how a little shapewear can give you the confidence to show it off and feel great while you’re doing it.”
According to various sources, such as this one and that one, Kylie will descend from Mt. Olympus and release her ‘Kylie 25′ album on May 28.
Free of any and all flaws ever queen of light realness.
The album is now listed in Music Week’s future releases section and handily that date is also Kylie’s birthday, which all ties in rather nicely.
It’s expected that the album will include orchestral versions of some of Kylie’s back catalogue and is the fruit of her time at Abbey Road Studios.
Here’s a lovely version of ‘Finer Feelings’ to ‘get you in the mood’.
ANYTHING to make us forget the horror that is MDNA.
Alicia Silverstone wants you to chew on this: She has no regrets about the controversial way that she feeds her son.
The star pulled a whopper of a shocker two weeks ago when she posted a video that showed her feeding her tyke, Bear, with chewed food that she passed directly from her mouth to his.
"Ewww," you say? Not so fast!
The actress is defending herself from peeps poking fun at her—and she says she's got a historical precedent to back her up...
"People have been feeding their kids that way for thousands of years," she said this past weekend at a sneak preview of her new film, Vamps, in New York City, Radar Online reports.
"It's a weaning process. It's just a thing that has been going on for thousands of years and I didn't think I was inventing anything."
Bear seems to love it: In the caption that accompanied her video, she wrote that Bear "literally crawls across the room to attack my mouth if I'm eating"—which, in this particular case, was a lovely gourmet feast of cast-iron mochi and miso-infused veggies. Healthy and hassle-free!
"I wasn't saying this was anything somebody should do," Silverstone explained at the screening. "I wasn't trying to be independent or cause such a ruckus. I'm very glad that I did it."
Season 2 of American Horror Story is going to have a French accent.
After an exhaustive search that spanned multiple continents, French actress Lizzie Brocheré has won the pivotal new series regular role on the FX thriller, TVLine has learned exclusively.
Last month, AHS producers put out a casting call for a femme fatale named Gia. Described as a fierce, ferocious, extremely sexual and dangerous wild-child sexpot, the character — billed as a nemesis for Jessica Lange — was likened to Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted.
According to an insider, Brocheré — known in France for her decidedly NC-17-rated film work — will be playing a revamped version of that role. “The part been changed considerably,” says the source, who declined to provide specifics of the revamp.
Little is known about AHS Season 2, save for that it will be set on the East Coast and bring back Jessica Lange (who originally played Constance), Zachary Quinto (Chad), Evan Peters (Tate), Sarah Paulson (psychic Billie Dean) and Lily Rabe (doctor’s wife Nora), all as new characters. Maroon 5 frontman and Voice coach Adam Levine will also appear in an arc as one half of a couple referred to as “The Lovers.”
EXCLUSIVE: Paloma Faith unveils new album artwork
Wow - check this out for a stunning piece of album artwork. Paloma Faith oozes retro glamour, enshrouded in a red cloak and surrounded by parrots (as you do) on the cover of her new record, Fall To Grace, which is set to be released on 28 May 2012. "The new album has taken on a very cinematic mood," she revealed in February. And her first single from it, Picking Up The Pieces (out 20 May 2012), is no exception. "It deals with the issues of being in a relationship with someone who is still recovering from a previous relationship with another person. It is a song about self doubt and insecurity," she added. We can't wait to hear it…
lbr where's the Paloma tag, when this album slays 21 style we r gonna need it
Pop star would reportedly bank $15 million to join judges' panel on Simon Cowell's reality competition.
Britney Spears is closer than ever to joining "The X Factor" team.
News first broke in early March that the pop star was in negotiations to join the judges' panel on Fox's reality singing competition, and just as speculation seemed to be dying down, Deadline reports that Spears' team and show producers have reached agreements on several key contract details, including the star's salary.
It was reported that Spears was being offered $10 million for a season of the show, but the latest news is that her offer is actually closer to $15 million, which is $3 million more than Jennifer Lopez earns as a judge on "American Idol."
Several stars — from Janet Jackson and Mariah Carey to, at one time, the late Whitney Houston — have reportedly been discussed as possible replacements for Nicole Scherizinger and Paula Abdul, though no deals have been announced. The buzz surrounding Spears seems to be the most reliable, as sources close to the show report that her fiancé and former agent Jason Trawick is actively negotiating the deal. Whitney Houston
Cowell reportedly reached out to Spears personally to gauge her interest in joining the show and has been singing her praises publicly, saying in a March conference call with reporters that he is "fascinated" by Spears and believes work on "The X Factor" will be easy for the hardworking singer.
"This girl has resilience. I would think that if she's managed to sustain a family, a career, which is tough, ["X Factor" would be] a walk in the park," Cowell said. "I would be fascinated to hear what she has to say. She's still hot, she's still having hit records and she's still controversial. There's a reason for that."
A point of conflict has reportedly been Cowell's insistence that Spears sign a two-year contract with the show, while she wants the option of opting out after just one season if she feels the gig is not a good fit. Whether Trawick and Cowell were able to reach an agreement on the issue has not been made public.
Cr: Adam Rose/FOX
~ Promo for "Saturday Night Glee-ver" ~
Santana (Naya Rivera, L) and Brittany (Heather Morris, R) perform in the "Dance With Somebody" episode of GLEE airing Tuesday, April 24 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX.
Cr: Beth Dubber/FOX
/no permalink source! just mandatory credit goes to FOX & Adam Rose.
Detention is a wild and crazy hipster, teen horror-comedy that mixes in science fiction, body-swapping, time-travelling, 1990′s throwback, date flick and a murdering psycho, in only the way that director/co-writer Joseph Kahn (Torque) can. Cinderhella is a slasher-movie killer who has seemingly come to life and is preying on the local students of Grizzly Lake, who are just trying to survive their final year of high school. As the bodies pile up, Riley Jones (Shanley Caswell) and Clapton Davis (The Hunger Games’ Josh Hutcherson) are in a deadly and outrageous race against time to save the world.
At the film’s press day, actor/executive producer Josh Hutcherson talked about his first experience behind the scenes on a film, what he thought of the script when he first read it, how grueling the shoot was, getting to learn how to ride on a unicycle, and what it was like to do his own stunts. He also talked about how happy and excited he is over the box office success of The Hunger Games, and how he doesn’t think there’s a chance that director Gary Ross won’t return to helm the sequel, Catching Fire. Check out what he had to say after the jump:
Question: So, how happy are you with the box office for The Hunger Games?
JOSH HUTCHERSON: I’m very happy. I’m very excited. I didn’t expect it, that’s for sure. It’s super-exciting. I just love making movies. The fact that people actually watch them, is just a bonus, I feel like. It allows me to keep on making movies. It’s pretty exciting.
Has that balance between big budget films, like Journey 2: The Mysterious Island and The Hunger Games, and independent films, like The Kids Are All Right and Detention, been intentional?
HUTCHERSON: It’s very intentional, yeah. I think that the most important thing to having a long career, as an actor, is diversity and being able to play different types of characters in different types of movies. I want to keep acting, all my life. In order to do that, I think it is important to go and do the bigger tentpole box office movies, and then also do more character roles. They’re a lot of fun, too. I would never get to play Clapton Davis in a big-budget studio film. There are a lot of characters that you can get into that don’t exist in the studio world.
What was your experience in high school like? Do you see this film as a commentary on what high school is like?
HUTCHERSON: I didn’t go to high school, so I don’t have a high school experience. I was home-schooled during high school. But, I think this movie just speaks to how kids can be really mean. Now, more than ever, bullying has come under the radar of actually being a problem in schools and people are trying to stand up against bullying. I think this movie just speaks to that world and how mean can be sometimes in school.
Being an executive producer, were you involved with the casting for the role of Riley (Shanley Caswell)?
HUTCHERSON: I was sent tapes. I wasn’t in town, or else I would have been. As an executive producer, (director) Joseph [Kahn] was definitely more than happy to have me involved with the casting process, which was great because I had never really been involved with that part of making a movie before and I’d always wanted to be. It was a really cool first time, for me.
From the beginning of the movie, you can tell that Clapton and Riley have a history prior to these events taking place. How did you work on that and create that chemistry?
HUTCHERSON: More than anything, Riley and Clapton had had not really a relationship before, but they been really good friends, for a long time. That was easy for us because, even though we had just met each other, we became fast friends, so it was easy to play that part of it. It was one of those things where you have a best friend for your entire life, since kindergarten, and then, all of a sudden, you have that moment where you go, “Oh, my god, I think I’m in love with this person!”
What was the biggest challenge of taking on the role of executive producer, at such a young age?
HUTCHERSON: I’ve just grown up on movie sets, since I was nine years old. For someone like Joseph, who’s come from a music video and commercial-heavy background, to have one of his actors be more well-versed in the film world, helps as a liaison between the two worlds. I’m grateful that Joseph put that kind of faith in me because it was hard enough for me to put that faith in myself. I’ve always wanted to get behind the camera, so for him to give me my first opportunity to do that was incredible.
How grueling of a shoot was this?
HUTCHERSON: It was hard work. And, the scenes were all so crazy that you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into, every day, when you came into work, which was also part of the excitement.
What did you think, when you read this script?
HUTCHERSON: It was so wild! It was extremely crazy. The movie is insane, and I felt the script was even more crazy. The reason why I was attracted to it was because of that. It was unlike anything I’ve ever read before. So many times, I read the same script, just with different little pieces, over and over again. This was a whole new way of making a movie, and that was one of the biggest things that attracted me to it.
Do you think that will make the film a tough sell?
HUTCHERSON: Yes, I do, actually. It is harder to sell. People ask me what the one-sentence pitch is for it, and I don’t have one. There literally isn’t one. When I watched it, I didn’t even know what I thought of it, at first. I liked it, but I didn’t know how to describe it to somebody. It’s just very different. That’s what makes it so unique, but at the same time, that does make it a challenge, commercially.
What was it like to learn to ride on a unicycle for this?
HUTCHERSON: That was a cool experience and something I never thought I would ever do. I actually got really good at unicycling. I could go for awhile, turn and then come back down. It’s crazy! It was a pretty fun experience. I had a unicycle in my trunk, for the two months that we were filming. It was cool.
Did you get to do your own stunts for the finale, or did they bring in stunt people?
HUTCHERSON: It was a combo. There were some things where they had stunt guys working with us. But, we all had to do the fight training and work on the choreography to get that all down. It was tough. It was pretty physical. There was a lot of slamming onto the ground and slamming into the lockers and throwing punches. It was pretty physically demanding.
What did you personally take away from the experience of making Detention?
HUTCHERSON: For me, the message of the film was something that I took away from it. Everybody has their own problems. No matter how big you think yours are, there is someone else that has bigger problems or different problems. That’s the biggest thing that I learned from this film, or had reinstated in me, for sure.
What are your own favorite teen movies?
HUTCHERSON: The Breakfast Club is really good. Pretty in Pink is really good. I love Donnie Darko. That’s one of my favorite movies ever, but it’s not really a teen movie. I’ve watched that movie about nine million times.
Do you think the success of The Hunger Games will really help this film get some attention?
HUTCHERSON: I hope so! We tried to sell this movie for a long time, and tried to find the right fit for us, distribution wise. I think we found it and are going about this, at the right time. It just so happens to be afterThe Hunger Games, which definitely helps quite a bit.
Would you suggest Joseph Kahn for the job of directing Catching Fire?
HUTCHERSON: I would not. First and foremost, because Gary [Ross] is my guy, 100%, through and through, and also because I don’t think Joseph would really fit into that world.
Do you hope that Gary Ross will come back?
HUTCHERSON: Oh, for sure! There’s not much doubt in my mind that he’ll be doing it. I think so. I don’t think there’s a chance at all that he wouldn’t do it. He killed the first one. He absolutely knocked it out of the park. Everyone who worked with him loved him. Myself and Jennifer [Lawrence] and all of the other cast members loved him. I couldn’t imagine making the movie without him. That’s what I have to say about that. There was no official statement made. There are a lot of different ways that you negotiate in movies. There are different tactics, for sure.
For Tuesday, April 10, 2012:
We have been hearing about Romeo and his wild show on stage and now we get to see it!
At his Las Vegas show, Romeo said he wanted to dance especially for a gordita and one of his hefty fans immediately volunteered.
He laid her on the floor and proceeded to HUMP her on stage! Then he moved up and humped HER FACE!
Access Hollywood caught up with “The Voice” coach after Tuesday’s show, where he chimed in Jennifer Love Hewitt’s recent suggestion that they would make a good couple.
“It’s very, very flattering,” Adam, who recently split with Anne V, told AccessHollywood.com’s Laura Saltman. “It’s very flattering and very sweet and it was lovely to hear.”
Adding with a smile, “But I’m not going to let it get to my head.”
During an interview on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” last week, Jennifer said she has her always “eyes out” when it comes to dating.
But now she's embarrassed.
Imagine it: A double date between Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Jay-Z and Beyonce (with Blue Ivy in a stroller!).
Stranger things have happened. A pal tells the new Us Weekly, out now, that Jay-Z's close friend and collaborator West, 34, has fallen "genuinely head over heels" for Kardashian, 31, with whom he was photographed gallivanting around NYC late last week.
"It's not a PR stunt," the source insists of the rapper and reality star. "They're perfect for each other. He thinks she's his Beyonce!"
Indeed, after years of a flirty friendship -- West pursued Kardashian "for a long time," another source says -- the stars were finally aligned for the twosome (who share a fondness for luxury and the spotlight) to finally get romantic.The "Otis" rapper split with model Amber Rose in 2010, and Kardashian is famously in the midst of an ugly divorce battle with Kris Humphries five months after she filed papers.
"Now that Kim has gotten over the Kris drama . . . she sees how much Kanye loves her," a Kardashian source tells Us.
cant wait for beyonce to make an appearance on kim and kourtney take new york <3
my 2 favorite people in the world are beyonce and kim and maybe lisa ling at close 3rd <3
what is your fav beyonce song ontd?
What is the biggest difference between Titanic 1997 and Titanic 2012 except for the 3D part? Well…in China, while Jack was able to draw a portrait of Rose’s naked body in 1997, he will only end up with a neck-and-above close-up in 2012. China’s State Administration of Radio, Film and Television decided to censor out painting scenes that reveal Rose’s naked body, probably the most remembered scenes when people in China watched the movie 15 years ago. The rationale?
“Considering the vivid 3D effects, we fear that viewers may reach out their hands for a touch and thus interrupt other people’s viewing. To avoid potential conflicts between viewers and out of consideration of building a harmonious ethical social environment, we’ve decided to cut off the nudity scenes,” according to an official at the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television.
Without doubt, people respond to the decision with anger and ridicule. As one netizen summarized, “15 years ago in Titanic, we got to see the nudity scenes. 15 years later in Titanic 3D, the scenes are censored out. This shows exactly how many steps forward we’ve made in terms of technology and how many steps backward we’ve made in terms of freedom.”
Some even made fun of themselves by saying, “I waited 15 years to see 3D boobs, not 3D iceberg.” Some are simply grossed out by the decision. “Such a beautiful scene. The heads of these officials must be full of dirty shit,” commented 情亲轻晴. 姜米子 asked, “Does it mean that when reviewing the movie, those officials at SARFT have already touched…whatever they wanted to touch and thus the fear of us doing the same?”
He has watched Marshall grow on and off the field — they are two of only three NFL receivers to top 1,000 yards in each of the last five seasons — and he has brought him in to speak at his football camp for middle- and high school students in Minnesota. Afterward, Marshall patiently advised the aspiring athletes on proper technique. He passed out the gloves off his hands and the cleats off his feet.
‘‘I have only had positive experiences with Brandon,’’ said Fitzgerald, who stars for the Arizona Cardinals. ‘‘He is misunderstood. Once you get to know him, he will give you the shirt off his back.
‘‘My thing is this: Get to know him, the man, before you pass judgment.’’
At his introductory news conference Friday at Halas Hall, Marshall graciously answered the sort of personal questions nobody wants to endure: If he can guarantee he won’t be involved in another incident such as the one last Sunday in New York, where a woman alleges he punched her in the eye at a nightclub. If he could explain why two other teams ultimately traded him.
And if he — a soon-to-be 28-year-old man — should have a self-imposed curfew.
‘‘My arriving here comes with so much controversy,’’ Marshall said afterward. ‘‘But all I can do, moving forward, is to continue to stay on the track that [I’m] on.’’
Marshall insisted that ‘‘in due time, the truth will come out.’’ He acknowledged his history of off-the-field issues brings added scrutiny. Yet he doesn’t shy away from that spotlight.
On Friday, he talked about reuniting with quarterback Jay Cutler, winning a Super Bowl and even retiring as a Bear. But he has a grander goal: to be the face of those with borderline personality disorder, a mental illness that — according to his website, ProjectBorderline.com — affects up to 5.9 percent of the population.
‘‘That’s my purpose,” Marshall said, ‘‘and that’s what I’ll do after I’m done playing.’’
Before he was traded to the Bears on Tuesday, he was preparing to begin classes toward a masters in psychology near the Miami Dolphins’ training facility.
On Friday, he showcased his profound understanding of the disorder, dropping statistics, symptoms, treatments and — unfortunately — consequences when BPD is improperly treated.
‘‘A lot of people are afraid to talk about it — it’s taboo in our communities,’’ he said. ‘‘But I’m willing to use myself, make myself and my family vulnerable, to break the stigmas.’’
He noted the staggering number of prison inmates, both male and female, who have been diagnosed with the disorder, and he spoke passionately about the significance of his revelation at McLean Hospital in Boston last July.
‘‘Since I’ve been in the league, things have been very rough for me,’’ he said. ‘‘From Day 1, I’ve always wanted better for myself, on and off the field. To finally get an answer — to finally be in a place where someone can help me — that was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. But it was scary because someone is telling you, ‘Hey, you have to go through this therapy. You have to stay up here and talk to me.’ But the outcome was amazing.’’
Nicknamed ‘‘The Beast,’’ Marshall noted that his anger was ‘‘my gift and my curse, because without that passion, without that intense approach to the game, which comes from a lot of my pain, a lot of my anger, I wouldn’t be here today.’’
He said he has learned to channel and control those emotions.
Others, however, aren’t as fortunate. Eight to 10 percent of BPD sufferers commit suicide, according to Borderline Personality Today.
‘‘This thing is bigger than me. We’re losing lives,’’ he said. ‘‘When I was in treatment, there was a young lady who took her life.
‘‘It’s one of the most devastating disorders out there, but it’s the most treatable, and with the proper help and the proper treatment, we can make a huge impact in our community.’’
He recognizes that he’s not cured, that he still needs treatment. But, given his prominence, Marshall is willing to put himself at the forefront.
‘‘There’s a lot of people who are pushing to get healing in our community,’’ he said. ‘‘I’m just the guy with the fame, so it brings light to it quicker, and it spreads faster. So that’s why I was excited to use my celebrity and platform to raise awareness.’’
Those are admirable aspirations. But, as Marshall knows, actions speak louder than words.
unf he's so sexy...
Face it, we all like a good lyrical smackdown, and the art of the kiss-off line (or, indeed, entire kiss-off song) is one of the most time-honored and enduring in music. Good kiss-offs can take many forms — they can be subtle and sarcastic, or blunt and brutal, or just flat-out hilarious. Either way, there have been many, many good ones committed to tape over the years, and we’ve always had an ear for a biting turn of phrase — so we’re counting down 30 of the best after the jump. As ever, we’re open to suggestions, so let us know your favorites!
30. Ween — “Piss Up a Rope”
The pitch-perfect country satire of 12 Golden Country Greats reached its zenith with “Piss Up a Rope.” The glory of this song is that it could quite happily be a genuine country song (in the vein of similar gems like Ray Stevens’ “Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I’m Kissing You Goodbye”), albeit one full of Gene ‘n’ Deen’s, um, unique brand of humor.
Key lines: “For the last six months I’ve been packing your bag/ You can wash my balls with a warm wet rag/ ‘Til my balls feel smooth, and soft like silk/ I’m sick of your mouth and your 2% milk”
29. Nancy Sinatra — “These Boots Were Made For Walking”
And that’s just what they’ll do!
Key lines: “You keep samin’ when you oughta be changin’/ What’s right is right, but you ain’t been right yet”
28. The Shangri-Las — “He Cried”
Despite the Motown production sheen, this is a surprisingly brutal piece of work, and all the more so considering it was being sung by three girls still in their teens. Of course, teenage girls can be the bitchiest people on the planet, but still, there’s something disconcertingly cold-hearted about how dispassionately the Shangri-Las recount inflicting heartbreak.
Key lines: “I knew that our romance was over and done/ But for him it had just begun”
27. Rowland S. Howard — “I Burnt Your Clothes”
The late and great Rowland S. Howard included a reworking of “He Cried” on his 1999 masterpiece Teenage Snuff Film — right before this song, which is even more brutal (as its title might suggest). It’s Howard’s utter detachment that makes this so compelling — and all the more so because of the sense that he’s just as appalled by his actions as the listener is.
Key lines: “Guess what? I don’t care/ About who, or what, or when, or where/ And heaven knows/ I burnt your clothes”
26. Iggy and the Stooges — “I’m Sick of You”
For all Iggy’s reputation as a hellraiser, there was always plenty of humor in the Stooges’ work — and it’s in full effect in this song, a hilariously truculent farewell to monogamy and responsibility.
Key lines: “I’m sick of hanging around your pad/ I’m sick of your mum, and I’m sick of your dad”
25. Rufus Wainwright — “California”
Of course, kiss-offs don’t have to be directed at people — as Rufus Wainwright proves with this song, they can be directed at entire states. And no, we can’t really imagine Rufus fitting in on Venice Beach, either.
Key lines: “California/ You’re such a wonder/ That I think I’ll stay in bed”
24. Sebadoh — “The Freed Pig”
And, of course, they can be directed at former bandmates. By the sounds of this song, being in Dinosaur Jr with the legendarily grumpy J. Mascis really wasn’t much fun for Lou Barlow, although lines like, “I tried to bury you with guilt/ I wanted to prove you wrong” suggest that he wasn’t exactly a barrel of laughs himself. Either way, this is one of the most bitter songs directed at a former colleague you’re ever likely to hear.
Key lines: “With no sick people tugging on your sleeve/ Your big head has more room to grow/ A glory I will never know”
23. REM — “The One I Love”
We touched on this a while back in our feature on the most misunderstood songs in music. You can certainly appreciate Michael Stipe’s bewilderment at seeing people wave lighters and make out to what’s almost certainly the nastiest song he ever wrote — a callous kiss-off to a former lover, in which he describes the scorned party as “a simple prop to occupy my time.”
Key line: “Another prop has occupied my time”
22. The Delgados — “If This Is a Plan”
If you’ve ever carried a torch for someone, you’ll know how liberating finally extinguishing said torch can be. This song recounts finally deciding that lusting after an old flame “isn’t worth it,” especially since he/she isn’t leaving her significant other any time soon.
Key line: “You look older/ You look harder and colder/ Is this what ten years with a dickhead can bring?”
21. Arab Strap — “The Girl I Loved Before I Fucked”
While we’re on Scottish misanthropes, we couldn’t possibly forget Arab Strap, the band whose name is essentially synonymous with sordid, bruised vignettes about the night before and the morning after. As with all the band’s lyrics, this is ambivalent about its subject, and about the whole idea of love — it’s curiously romantic in its own way, but also suitably biting.
Key line: “You’re the girl I loved before I fucked and that’s so rare/ So I’ll help you leave your home while you decide if you still care”
20. mclusky — “Collagen Rock”
In which Andy Falkous dismisses his contemporaries by comparing them to vapid fashion models. Like all Falkous’s best lyrics, it’s surreal, angry, more than a little bizarre, and entirely hilarious.
Key line: “One of those bands got paid, I heard/ One of those bands got fake! Tits! Yeah!”
19. Lily Allen — “Not Big”
The title says it all, really — but if it wasn’t enough of a hint, then the chorus of this song makes it pretty clear that Allen’s talking about her lover’s manhood. And then there’s the verses, which note that “you never made me come/ In the year and a half we spent together,” and also that she’s planning to “work my way through your friends.” Ouch.
Key lines: “You’re not big, you’re not clever/ You ain’t a big brother/ Not big, whatsoever”
18. Violent Femmes — “Ugly”
Yes, of course the Femmes were going to feature on this list — shit, they even wrote a song called “Kiss Off.” But while we love that track, we reckon their best and bitterest lines come in this song, a gloriously bratty denunciation of a former paramour who, as Gordon Gano tells it, was no oil painting.
Key lines: “Engaged in some sexual acts/ But I’m just gonna have to tell you the facts/ There’s something I figured out about you… You’re ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly!”
17. Elvis Costello — “I Hope You’re Happy Now”
We wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of Elvis Costello, frankly. This song breaks out the nastiest thing you can say to a former lover — “I never loved you anyhow — and it also manages to use the phrase “pork sword,” which is inherently hilarious whichever way you look at it.
Key lines: “He’s acting innocent and proud still you know what he’s after/ Like a matador with his pork sword, while we all die of laughter”
16. Brian Eno — “Dead Finks Don’t Talk”
In which Eno snipes at Bryan Ferry in a manner that’s both amusing and biting. Roxy Music wasn’t big enough for two Brian/Bryans, clearly.
Key line: “To be a zombie all the time/ Takes such dedication”
15. Bonnie “Prince” Billy — “Break of Day”
There’s something more than a little unsavory about Will Oldham’s alter ego, and never more so than in this song, which finds him lying awake in bed with his lover, waiting until the morning — when he plans to dump her.
Key line: “Dawn is mine and I will share it/ With whatever bird will wear it/ On her body, bare and pink/ Now what do you think of break of day?”
14. L7 — “Shitlist”
Yes. The best song ever to put on the stereo when someone has really, really given you the shits.
Key line: “You’ve made my/ SHITLIST!”
13. The Rapture — “No Sex for Ben”
Now that The Rapture are making underwhelming and weirdly Christian records, it’s easy to forget that they recorded this glorious broadside (apparently directed at DJing contemporary Ben Rymer).
Key line: “Ben Rama/ Big time lover/ Trying to snatch the kitty off his girlfriend’s mother/ No sex for Ben!”
12. Amy Winehouse — “Fuck Me Pumps”
One of the saddest things about Amy Winehouse’s slow decline and tragic demise is that everyone seems to have forgotten how witty and hilarious she was in her early days. “Fuck Me Pumps” remains her funniest song, a supremely bitchy and giggle-inducingly accurate evisceration of vapid scenester groupie types.
Key line: “With your big empty purse/ Every week it gets worse/ At least your breasts cost more than hers”
11. Elastica — “Line Up”
In the same vein but a decade earlier, Justine Frischmann spent the first track on Elastica’s self-titled debut administering a sound lyrical thrashing to the female hangers-on of the Britpop scene. Extra points for Justin Welch’s vomit sounds in the intro.
Key line: “You can’t see the wood for the trees/ On your knees”
10. Oran “Juice” Jones — “The Rain”
The quintessential iron fist in a velvet glove — underneath the smooth R&B styling of “The Rain” is all the fury of a betrayed boyfriend, a fury that eventually manifests in the song’s extended outro, where Jones confesses wanting to shoot both his soon-to-be-former girlfriend and her lover (“But I didn’t want to mess up this $3700 lynx coat”), proclaims “You don’t mess with the Juice!,” and eventually turfs her out onto the street.
Key line: “Dismissed!”
9. Alanis Morrissette — “You Oughta Know”
Hell hath no fury, etc etc.
Key line: “And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?”
8. Fleetwood Mac — “Go Your Own Way”
Rumours is probably the most legendarily dysfunctional record in rock ‘n’ roll, the sound of a band shagging furtively other behind each other’s backs and snorting waaaaaay too much coke while doing so. The genius of this line lies in the fact that not only did Lindsey Buckingham write a fairly blunt dismissal of Stevie Nicks, he then proceeded to make her sing it.
Key line: “You can go your own way/ You can call it another lonely day”
7. Pulp — “Pencil Skirt”
As you’d expect from one of finest lyricists in music, Jarvis Cocker has been responsible for his fair share of acerbic dismissals (see the denouement of “This Is Hardcore,” “Pink Glove,” and, of course, all of “Common People”). We’ve always been partial to to “Pencil Skirt,” though, which isn’t so much a kiss-off to a lover as it is to the whole idea of love.
Key line: “Now you can tell some lies about the good times that you’ve had/ But I’ve kissed your mother twice/ And I’m working on your dad”
6. Bob Dylan — “Positively 4th Street”
Dylan also has plenty of these to choose from — you could take your pick from most of “Like a Rolling Stone,” for a start — but we’ve always liked this lyrical beatdown of an unnamed Greenwich Village antagonist. The best thing about this song is that Dylan never specified who it was about — which led to plenty of his contemporaries assuming it was about them. Talk about killing multiple birds with a single well-aimed stone.
Key line: “I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes/ You’d know what a drag it is/ To see you”
5. Grace Jones — “Private Life”
Not only is Grace Jones genuinely terrifying, she does a fine line in lyrical put-downs — and none better than this trituration of a hapless paramour. Curiously, this was written by Danny Elfman. Who’d have thought he had it in him?
Key line: “Your marriage is a tragedy/ But it’s not my concern”
4. The Smiths — “Frankly, Mr Shankly”
Morrissey is another artist who’s made a living out of pithy, razor-sharp kiss-offs, but our favorite is one that eschews subtlety in its denunciation of a former employer. The denouement to this song works because of its context — the song starts out obliquely enough, but becomes more and more amusingly direct as Morrissey audibly loses patience with its subject.
Key line: “Frankly, Mr Shankly, since you asked/ You are a flatulent pain in the ass”
3. Cee-Lo Green — “Fuck You”
Beneath the oh-so-hummable melody to what in our opinion is the finest pop song of 2010 lies a very genuine bitterness, and a great deal of glee in finally being in a position to send a whole lot of triumphant success back in the direction of a girl who chucked him when he was broke.
Key line: The entire song, basically. But especially “Although there’s pain in my chest/ I still wish you the best/ With a ‘fuck you’!”
2. John Lennon — “How Do You Sleep?”
Crikey, Lennon really didn’t think a whole lot of McCartney, did he?
Key line: “The only thing you done was yesterday/ And since you’re gone you’re just another day”
1. Marianne Faithfull — “Why D’ya Do It?”
And at #1, behold: the one song that basically makes us want to hide under the table every time it comes on the stereo. It’s not often we feel sorry for Mick Jagger, but if it had been us on the other end of this tirade, it’d probably have taken years to recover.
Key line: “Why’d ya do it?, she said/ When you know it makes me sore/ She had cobwebs up her fanny/ And I believe in giving to the poor”