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Oh No They Didn't! -

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  • 09/10/12--10:31: Britain Exports Its Soul

  • The desperate center of Jessie Ware’s debut album, “Devotion,” is “Taking In Water,” a languorous and arresting tragedy about punishing oneself so that someone less worthy might live. Over gaseous, melancholy synths Ms. Ware unfurls her tale heavily.

    “I wish I was you, a piece of gold at the bottom of the blue/Too heavy to swim, but too beautiful to lose,” she yowls regretfully. At the chorus she’s all resigned exhale: “I’m taking in water for you, my love/Pulling you out, I’ll take the blue.”

    Your Drums, Your Love,” the latest single by the duo AlunaGeorge — like Ms. Ware, from London — takes the water theme even more literally. The opening synths recede like ebbing waves, and the vocal part of the hook has a bit of viscosity to it, over which the singer Aluna Francis sings, with surprising cheer, “I’ve been treading water for your love/Whether I sink or swim, it’s you I’m thinking of.”

    Water cools, and water soothes, and water obscures. That forward-thinking British soul music is hitting an amniotic phase isn’t so surprising: after the club always comes the comedown.

    Ms. Ware’s sensuous and stirring “Devotion” (PMR/Island), and the limited but impressive output of AlunaGeorge (which also includes the producer George Reid) repeat a familiar pattern in British soul music, which in its more mainstream forms has in recent years tended toward the retro-minded, like Amy Winehouse, and Adele. But British soul countermovements have long been more experimentally inclined than their more popular British cousins and also their American counterparts, and this is where Ms. Ware and AlunaGeorge reside. They’re in the shadow of club life — Ms. Ware more so than AlunaGeorge — an approach that’s come to feel especially British, and one that doesn’t directly contest American R&B on its own terms.

    Often the singer that the husky-voiced Ms. Ware brings to mind is Lisa Stansfield, the Briton who made dance-friendly R&B in the late 1980s and early ’90s that became internationally popular. “Running,” from Ms. Ware’s album, sounds modeled on the Stansfield sound, with its unsteady splashes of synths, its falsetto counterpoint vocals, and Ms. Ware’s singing, which is woozy but purposeful. “Your words alone/Could drive me to/a thousand tears,” she moans, not sad at all. The same goes for “Sweet Talk,” which is part rushed, past lush.

    Ms. Ware got her start singing for restrained electronic music producers like SBTRKT, though early on she was trying to do too much. Quickly, though, she learned to ooze into the beat. On “Sanctuary,” from SBTRKT’s debut album, she’s basically just sighing.

    Working in that realm also got her comfortable with propulsion, which is why “Devotion,” while no means a dance album, has the outline of club music on it, a trick similar to the one pulled off in recent years by the British singer Jamie Woon, who starved dubstep down to an unexpected folk core.

    Ms. Ware’s high point is “Wildest Moments,” a stunner of feeling and warmth that, with its booming opening drums, verges on trip-hop. “You and I, blurred lines/We come together every time,” Ms. Ware sings. “No to Love” has a loping drumbeat reminiscent of Soul II Soul, early British hybridizers of R&B and dance music, and “Night Light,” maybe unintentionally, has echoes of the soft post-disco soul of George Benson’s “Give Me the Night.” (yas one of my fave songs)

    In the United States R&B has been hopelessly conjoined to hip-hop, suffocated at its center trying to serve a nonnative constituency. (That’s not counting R&B’s middle-age-aimed adult-contemporary wing, which mostly aims to remind listeners of the music they grew up on by polishing up its rough edges.) Generally the genre has come to live in hip-hop’s shadow; most singers choose to stand close to it in hopes of catching some refracted glare.

    Club-aware electronic soul hasn’t been a factor here since the early-mid-’90s time of CeCe Peniston or Des’ree (who is, in fact, British), singers who mainstreamed the tradition of the house music diva. Nowadays this sort of club-aware electronic soul isn’t just a British phenomenon — listen to “Head Shake” by the Swedish producer Saturday, Monday with the yelping singer Julia Spada — but it’s notably un-American.

    What AlunaGeorge does that Ms. Ware does not is accept the dictates of the dance floor. Its music moves directly, rather than luxuriating in the empty spaces left behind, like residue. Its music is brisker and chillier, and also at times exorbitantly strange.

    Ms. Francis doesn’t have Ms. Ware’s softness of voice. Instead she’s thin and nasal and punchy. On the EP that immediately preceded “Your Drums, Your Love” she tightly embraced the club-pop of the early ’90s. “I’m not hard as a rock I’m just not easy to break/But don’t take it as an open invitation to try,” she cooed on “Just a Touch.”

    Mr. Reid is doing the complex work here, creating tracks that reference New Jack Swing, 2-step garage, Timbaland and other innovative approaches to R&B. But they’re all a bit blurry, as if you’re listening to them underwater.

    Source: NY Times

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    The ratings war with X Factor begins tonight.

    If one is good, two must be better, right? That must be the thinking of the team behind "The Voice," which is preparing for its first fall season tonight.

    As usual, coaches Christina Aguilera, 2012 MTV Video Music Awards Best Pop Video nominee Adam Levine, Cee Lo Green and Blake Shelton will be facing off against another reality singing competition. Only this time instead of staring down the fading-but-still-formidable "American Idol" they'll be duking it out with the second season of ex-"Idol" baddie Simon Cowell's "X Factor."

    But don't think they're coming back with the same old bag of tricks. Producers have thrown a bunch of curveballs
 into the mix this time around, including a new wrinkle that will allow coaches to steal players from their fellow stars' teams.

    Christina Milian has a sneak peek of tonight's episode.

    Carson Daly gives his pre-season predictions for The Voice.

    As usual, each coach will again start with 16 players chosen during the blind audition rounds, with the battle rounds cutting their ranks in half. But this time their rivals will have a chance to add two new faces to their team from the other coaches' cut list.

    They're not making it easy on Christina, Adam, Cee Lo and Blake, though. Because then they'll have to trim their teams down to five during knock-out rounds in which each singer will pick a song and perform it while the next man or woman up sits on a stool in a boxing ring awaiting their turn.

    Once those rounds are over, the live shows will start airing at the end of October. With Britney Spears and VMA pre-show
 performer Demi Lovato making their debuts on "Factor" — which will air on a Wednesday-Thursday night schedule while "Voice" takes the Monday-Tuesday slots — viewers are in for some serious star power on both shows.

    In addition to the contemporary hitmakers in the signature red chairs, Mary J. Blige, Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong, Michael Buble and Matchbox Twenty's Rob Thomas will be mentoring "Voice" contestants as well.

    Compared to the drooping-but-still-leading ratings
 from "Idol," which gave up its mantle as the #1 show on TV this year, "Factor" and "The Voice" have room to improve. Cowell's "Factor" managed an average of 12.59 million viewers in its debut last fall, while "Voice" averaged 11.93 million in the spring.

    But hints from "Voice" producer Mark Burnett that this may be the final ride for the original judging foursome may kick up the ratings rivalry even more than the action on the stage. And while Aguilera and Levine have had their fair share of sniping on the show, one thing we haven't seen yet is claws coming out between former chart competitors and "Mickey Mouse Club" alums Spears and Xtina.

    "I came up with Britney ... we were very close," Aguilera told reporters
 earlier this month. "Our paths have always crossed. They're going to continue to cross. I welcome her to this family of fun and entertainment and finding new talent. Britney's a pro."

    With modest sales so far from season one winner Javier Colon and runner-up Dia Frampton and the jury still out on this spring's winner, Jermaine Paul, in addition to standing up to the "Factor," if "The Voice" aims to climb to the top of the reality singing heap it is going to need to find the one this year.

    Source S2 S3

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    Miley Cyrus is a suspect in a criminal battery TMZ has learned ... committed Saturday night inside a Hollywood nightclub.

    The victim filed a police report early Sunday morning with the LAPD ... claiming he and his friends were sitting behind Miley and her fiance Liam Hemsworth at Beacher's Madhouse at the Roosevelt Hotel when things got rowdy.

    The alleged victim claims he and his friends accidentally bumped into Liam's chair and the two camps exchanged words ... an argument that quickly escalated.

    The alleged victim claims Liam got in his face and Miley jumped in the middle to break it up -- but not before pushing him away and striking him in the face. There were no visible injuries.

    A witness tells TMZ ... he saw the argument but Miley never threw a punch.

    Calls to Miley and Liam's camp were not returned.

    source TMZ

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    I wish they would have used the whole song.

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    Actress Elizabeth Hurley calls her line of swimwear for girls "fun" on her website. But parents along with a child protection charity in the U.K. have had a different reaction -- they're accusing Hurley and her brand of sexualizing young girls.

    "It is very disturbing to see some inappropriate items in this swimwear range," Claude Knight, the director of the charity Kidscape told the Daily Mail.

    Knight points out pieces like the "Mini Cha Cha Bikini," an animal-print two-piece for girls under 8 and the "Collete Bikini," a suit that is held together by a gold ring and is meant specifically "for girls [ages 8-13] who want to look grown up." According to the company's website, "This bikini looks fab with our cheetah ruffled skirt."

    Image Hosted by

    Siobhan Freegard, founder of the community Netmums told the Daily Mail that she knows "a number of mothers who are concerned about the sexualization of their children and would be horrified by their daughters dressing like mini-strippers."

    And, their concerns are validated by science. A recent study found that girls as young as 6 think of themselves as sex objects and want to be considered sexy. In an earlier study, Psychologists named clothing as a factor that encourages these youngsters to objectify themselves. This research was particularly disturbing given that "almost a third of girls' clothing for sale at 15 major retailers [had] sexualizing characteristics."

    Knight told Sky News that Hurley shouldn't take all of the blame now. Rather, the fashion industry should stop making clothes for kids that are so adult-like.

    Jen M.L., a mother of two who blogs at "People I Want To Punch In The Throat" agrees on that front. In a HuffPost blog, Jen says she is "horrified" by clothing selections when she takes her 4-year-old daughter shopping. She recounts a specific Easter shopping trip when "there were several dresses that looked like they should come with a complimentary pole and hooker heels!" But, Jen doesn't blame the industry entirely. She also writes that consumers -- parents specifically -- should stop buying and supporting the production of such items. "If we'd just stop buying this misogynistic whore-wear maybe companies would stop trying to sell it to us."

    With regard to Hurley's line, a spokesperson told the Daily Mail that the collection has sold "extremely well." He added, "Most of our customers are repeat customers who report that their kids adore the designs."

    Source - Huff Post & Daily Mail

    Fun Fact: Charlie Sheen once had a fashion line for kids called Sheen Kids.

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  • 09/17/12--17:50: Shaun White's Mug Shot

  • Shaun White's mug shot seems to confirm what sources have told TMZ -- that the Olympic gold medalist allegedly attacked someone who tried to stop him from fleeing the Nashville hotel where he allegedly raised hell.

    The Nashville Metro Police Dept. tells TMZ ... cops responded to the Loews Vanderbilt Hotel around 2 AM on Sunday after getting a tip that an allegedly intoxicated White pulled a hotel fire alarm, causing an evacuation of the entire hotel. A hotel employee also told police White smashed a hotel phone.

    Cops say ... a concerned citizen tried to stop the 26-year-old from leaving the scene in a taxi ... but White allegedly kicked the person and proceeded to flee on foot.

    According to police, the alleged victim says he chased after White ... and collided with the snowboarder .... causing White to fall backwards and slam his head against a fence.

    Cops say White appeared to be extremely intoxicated and reeked of alcohol at the time of the altercation.

    White was transported to a nearby hospital where he was booked for vandalism and public intoxication. The citizen declined to pursue assault charges.


    Edit: fixed the double post of the copy. Knew I'd mess my first post up somehow...

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    Amber Riley is one of the people from "Glee" currently working on her solo album, and a solo track surfaced today on the internet. No word on its origin or if it'll make the album.

    One of the people she's working with is Rodney Jerkins:

    "In the the studio with #GLEE's superstar, @MsAmberPRiley"

    Source (2)

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  • 09/17/12--17:59: MAKE WAY FOR THE QUEEN
    Behold, two new singles from Missy Elliott and Timbaland, available to stream in full now courtesy of Both tracks, "Triple Threat" and the previously-teased "9th Inning", will be available to purchase on iTunes at midnight, and will appear on the forthcoming Missy Elliott album.

    "9th Inning" offers some strong criticism of the music industry at present, as Timbaland explained to Hot 97's Angie Martinez, according to "The music game is in a bad state, so we're in the ninth inning like World War II and we have to come in and try to salvage what's left of it."

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    The very talented and funny cast of NBC's "Parks and Recreation", film scenes and laugh with each other between takes. Rashida Jones watches Aubrey Plaza rollerblade her way through the set, while Amy Poehler chats on her cell phone. Nick Offerman, Aziz Ansari and Chris Pratt wait for their time on camera.


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  • 09/17/12--18:26: THE FINAL WEEDS POST
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    I have a real soft spot for FEARLESS RECORDS' long-running "Punk Goes " series. In fact, I think I've reviewed almost every installment, and I'd written a "10 Years of Punk Goes..." retrospective that ran on a long-lost website a couple of years ago. Well, I may have to dust those off and repost them here, because FEARLESS has announced a November 6, 2012 release date (Election Day!) for PUNK GOES POP 5 - a new collection of pop hits covered by a crop of not-so-punk-but-still-cool bands. The Rock Father has the tracklisting for you below...

    PUNK GOES POP 5 - The Tracklisting


    Check out the just-released lyric video for UPON THIS DAWNING taking on Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe"

    oh lawd! Mostly hew? and the fact they went full circle covering Gym Class Heroes

    text source, video source

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    Amanda Bynes went shopping today in West Hollywood ... and locked herself in a dressing room for nearly 2 hours.

    Amanda was shopping at Kin (above) -- a hip boutique. Amanda took some clothes inside the fitting room and stayed for 1 hr. 45 min.

    The clerks heard a banging sound coming from inside the dressing room every 10 minutes or so. One clerk made a distress call to another employee, saying he was concerned about Bynes being hold up for so long. The employee drove to the store to help, to no avail. Amanda wouldn't come out, telling them, "I need more time."


    Amanda finally came out at around 5:30 PM, went to the register and bought a pair of stilettos, a pair of sunglasses and a few other things.

    Now get this ... as Amanda walked out she noticed she had tried on a bathing suit top that was underneath her dress and told the clerk she forgot it was on. Amanda then paid for the suit.

    Amanda saw a few photogs before leaving and then asked the clerk to call her a cab. It's unclear how she arrived at the store.


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    With Ender’s Game, The Mortal Instruments, Warm Bodies, Incarceron, The Night Circus, Switched and so many more on the way, which upcoming adaptation really has the chance of replacing The Twilight Saga and following in The Hunger Games’ footsteps? While all have pros, cons and all the potential in the world until we see the full feature, I find that it’s Veronica Roth’s Divergent that has the best shot at being the next big, successful franchise.

    Summit’s had the rights to the series since February 2011, but is first making moves toward bringing the film version to fruition now. It was recently revealed that Limitless director Neil Burger is in early talks to direct and, just the other day, Variety broke the news that the studio has set the film for a March 21, 2014 release. Remind you of a certain very successful book-to-film March release?

    Divergent certainly has the most going for it, making it the most likely to become the next big thing. Here's what you need to know about it now:

    The Book 

    The Basics

    Divergent, the first of a three-book series including Insurgent and book number three due in the fall of 2013, focuses on 16-year-old Beatrice Prior, a young girl born into the faction Abnegation. Come the Choosing Ceremony, Beatrice has the option to leave Abnegation, the group that places a focus on selflessness, and switch to one of the other four factions – the truthful Candor, the intelligent Erudite, the peaceful Amity or the fearless Dauntless.

    Picking a faction isn't like picking which club to join; it's picking a lifestyle. Because she's a member of Abnegation, Beatrice is not permitted to look into mirrors, must always wear gray clothing and have a plain hairstyle amongst many other faction requirements. Your faction dictates everything, even idle behavior. For example, an Erudite with free time on his or her hands better feel like studying.

    And then, even when you finally do make that fateful decision of which faction you'll live out your days with, there's a chance you might not even get in. Whether you choose the faction you were born into or not, you need to go through a rigorous initiation process. Of course initiation policies change from faction to faction, but each requires potential members to go through trying tests to make sure they're dedicated to their values. Should someone fail initiation, they are dubbed factionless, our equivalent of being homeless. Beatrice even goes as far as to say, "Without a faction, we have no purpose and no reason to live."

    Making the process even more difficult for Beatrice is that she's "Divergent". Going into the Choosing Ceremony, you've got three things to help you choose the right faction - the faction you were born into, the faction your heart draws you to and the results of your test -- one that measures your aptitude for the factions. Typically, a test offers up a single answer and that answer is the faction you’re meant for. However, in Beatrice’s case, she’s got an aptitude for more than one faction, making her Divergent, a quality she is strongly advised to keep to herself.

    It's a Fast Read

    Clearly I’ve plowed through my fair share of young adult novels, so at this point it’s easy to pinpoint the standouts. I’m a painfully slow reader, so while I wouldn’t want to reduce Divergent to an “easy read,” the fact that I could breeze through it certainly says something about Roth’s writing and the material’s entertainment value. Then there’s the late-night, can’t-stop issue. No, not every book needs chapter-ending cliffhangers, but they can’t hurt. Just like The Hunger Games, every time a chapter of Divergent comes to a close, you get that desperation to continue, regardless of how early you’ve got to get up the next morning.

    A Strong Leading Lady

    Beatrice may not battle vampires or jump into an area where she’s got to take out 23 underage opponents, but her journey does involve life-changing decisions, a great deal of violence and, quite frequently, death.

    The way Roth opens the book is ingenious. Similar to The Hunger Games, before getting to the actual violence, we see our heroine through an incredibly trying scenario. For Katniss, it’s the Reaping, and for Beatrice, it’s the Choosing Ceremony. This isn’t like getting sorted into a house at Hogwarts. Teens must make a decision that will dictate their entire lives. Do you go with your gut and join the faction with the values that you believe in, possibly defying your family, or do you stay true to your roots and honor your parents?

    Without spoiling anything, further down the line, Beatrice encounters a number of very adult dilemmas, ones that require her to consider the well-being of her closest friends and what’s best for the population as a whole, all while struggling through some truly horrifying personal scenarios.

    Reasonable Romance

    What’s a young adult adaptation without a steamy romance? For all of you who are maxed out on love-struck brooding, you’re in luck: Divergent is without a love triangle and sappy situations. Beatrice does get herself a guy, but she certainly isn’t some schoolgirl with a secret crush on the cutest boy in class. Her relationship is directly connected to her post-Choosing Ceremony experience and is deeply rooted in the chain of events that follow.

    Real Issues

    The Volturi? A talking Lion? Witchcraft and wizardry? Divergent has its heightened moments, but in general everything is firmly grounded and, therefore, is something you can relate to.

    When Beatrice is choosing her faction, you can’t help but wonder what you would do should you find yourself choosing between personal values and your family. By the time Beatrice makes her choice and is on her way to becoming a full-fledged faction member, you’re torn between her desperation to avoid becoming Factionless, the equivalent of being homeless, and the severity of the initiation tasks she must complete.

    Similar to Hunger Games, Divergent also has quite a bit to say about government and means of managing the masses. It starts with this concept of the population being divided up into the five factions and whether or not that really is an effective structure, but then it transpires into something far less cut and dry, something devastatingly out of control and something we get to experience through Beatrice.

    It Won’t Be Easy

    Summit has certainly got another hot property in its hands, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the material will translate to film well. Again, similar to Hunger Games, this is going to be a very difficult world to bring to life visually. The story takes place in a dystopian landscape, and considering we get quite a few of those a year courtesy of the film industry, it’s going to be tough to make this world stand out and still feel authentic.

    It’ll undoubtedly be a handful, but Divergent is a stellar opportunity for a production and costume designer. The differences between the factions extend well beyond their core value. Each group also resides in regions tailor-made for their particular way of life and dress accordingly, too.

    Another challenge in the visual department will be the action. We’ve got characters jumping off of moving trains and it’s got to look like they do it with ease – eventually. It’s going to be really tough to get one clean shot of a character making the leap and landing. Could this compel Burger or whoever seals the deal to direct to go the shaky camera route à la Gary Ross? It’s a possibility, but as that was one of the more widespread criticisms of The Hunger Games, I’d like to bet the director and studio will make a point of not going that route again, or at least doing so with restraint.

    But perhaps the biggest challenge of them all will be casting Beatrice. Just as they did with Katniss Everdeen, Beatrice will likely be played by an older actress. She’s blonde, a little on the short side and, as a member of Abnegation should be, is described as plain. After deliberately trying to avoid the Fanning sisters, my mind gravitates towards AnnaSophia Robb. She’s got the look and, more importantly, is a very seasoned and incredibly talented actress. This is actually the reason I’m partially betting against The Mortal Instruments. With Abduction and Mirror Mirror on her resume, it’s just impossible to imagine Lily Collins carrying a film.

    As with any book-to-film adaptation, or really with any film at all, there’s always the chance of taking missteps with top-notch books or scripts, but having that quality source material is definitely one step in the right direction and Roth’s book is just that. Should Summit pick the right director (and Burger is certainly a solid option), pinpoint an appropriate budget (something along the lines of The Hunger Games’ $80 million would be more than enough), and nail the casting of Beatrice, Divergent and the films to follow could become one of the bigger and better young adult adaptations out there.


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    Sad news!

    Lucy Hale and Chris Zylka have parted ways, sources confirm to

    Chris, who stars on the upcoming American Horror Story: Asylum, tweeted that he, “doesn’t have a girlfriend [...] she decided she was too good.”

    He added, “Never any disrespect towards anyone. Only if you say what you say you should stick to it. If you say you love then love.”

    The couple, who started dating earlier this year, made their first appearance together in February when she visited him in Vancouver, Canada.

    rebound with david henrie?


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    Okay: As much as I love videogames and their soundtracks, no one can fault you if there isn't any of it on your personal Makeout/Sex/AwkwardAfterglow playlist. It's a matter of taste. Plus, most commercial videogames in the U.S. don't put sexual arousal high up on their mission statement (the ones that do are usually given the dreaded AO rating and never heard from again). If you want to find some game tunes that will enhance your sex life, you'll generally need a) an understanding partner and b) enough time to sort through all of the many OST's out there and find something suitable. I'm just saying that it's possible. Another key rule of thumb should probably be to stick with post-NES era music. I'm sure there are more vintage chiptune aphrodisiacs galore, but after 1992 it gets a lot easier. But it can be done.

    You all are encouraged to experiment with the following pieces yourselves to determine bedroom effectiveness, though be advised that if any of these stir up traumatic memories of endless frustration and game overs you might be better off just throwing on some Massive Attack like a normal person. And no, before anybody asks, I have not personally "tried out" any of these tracks myself to see if they "work". But you can take heart in knowing that all of these at least passed the Red Shoe Diaries test: if you can imagine a sex scene from Red Shoe Diaries synced up to any of this music while it's playing, it's a keeper. That's exactly what real sex is like, right? (Just kidding. Real sex is a lot more like Forbidden Science).

    10) "Corridors of Time", Chrono Trigger

    Sensual bongos, airy chimes and a zithery-sounding synth thing transport you to the exotic Kingdom of Zeal, the floating Babylon of 12,000 BC, where there are infinite delights to be sampled (especially if you're into blue-skinned tomato people). I guess it could also transport you to the frozen planetside continent after Zeal is destroyed and all the people begin to mix. Isn't it symbolic how the music is the same for both? Feel free to discuss this with your date as you awkwardly stare at your Square Enix action figure collection from the edge of your bed while trying to figure out how to start kissing. This tune may not be slow enough for your eventual purposes but the rhythm makes it an undeniable toe (and hopefully ass) tapper.

    9) "Water Temple", The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

    Sometimes sex can be a little bit like the Water Temple in that you can get about two thirds of the way through before you mess up and have to start over. If that's the case then hearing this stream out of the iHome in your bedroom is not going to do you any favors intercourse-wise. Also, you might need some professional help. But this track's relaxing, shimmery new-ageyness might help make up for its lack of a driving beat and meandering faux-Egyptian guitar noises. Put it in an early spot on your playlist before the evening's tempo escalates, so to speak, and you might just get to knock iron boots sooner than you thought. A sidenote: despite the reputation of Ravel's Boléro as an erotic classic, the Bolero of Fire is by no means suitable for non-Hyrulian lovemaking unless you can get everything done in under two minutes, in which case you clearly don't need a soundtrack at all.

    8) "Opening Theme", Ecco the Dolphin

    For a game that was probably inspired by staring at an aquarium poster for seven hours, Ecco the Dolphin always weirded me out as a kid. The overly serene natural settings might have been relaxing to some but made me feel like a big heavy shoe was going to drop, even then. If I'd only known that the storyline of Ecco is actually completely insane, involving aliens, time travel, Atlantis, and a final battle against the Vortex Queen, I might have been more interested. Listening to the theme now it seems like somebody at Sega really dug Pink Floyd, and in fact there are Floyd references in multiple Ecco games. Music was integral to the Ecco franchise, and composer Spencer Nilsen even got his own soundtrack for the Sega CD versions of the first game and its sequel, an album called Songs of Time. That's a big accomplishment, but this original version is probably the more fuck-worthy one. Don't ask me why. There's just something about the pacing of it that seems like it would be a superior mood-setter, especially if your quarry is something of a Ray Lynch fan.

    7) "Funky Akuda Bar", Beyond Good and Evil

    Akuda. Bar. Get it? Stuck somewhere between a stripper anthem and the backing of a lost Cake single is this little ditty. After a long day of digging up dirt on the government, battling aliens and travelling around in a hovercraft with a talking pig, a photojournalist has got a right to unwind, hasn't she? Of course. You get extra points if you can love it up to this one and then follow it with the music from the dreaded disk game.

    6) "Aquatic Ambience", Donkey Kong Country

    It's funny: listen to this music away from the game it was made for and it almost seems like something from an '80s teen movie slow dance scene rather than the underwater levels of Donkey Kong Country. This is indeed from the original DKC, though (not to be confused with dyskeratosis congenita, which is apparently a big concern for Wikipedia). Something about designing water-based levels seems to bring out the sensitive sides in game music composers: I guess there's something more romantic about floating around underwater than, say, stomping on lizard people in an abandoned factory (that's a challenge, game designers). If you do decide to add this particular weapon to your sexual arsenal, make sure you avoid thinking any thoughts related to the CG cartoon series from the '90s. That, as Justin Bond would say, is a real weenie shrinker.

    5) "I Am the Wind", Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

    Ohhhhh yeah. You've just vanquished Dracula once again and scored a (perhaps bittersweet) victory for the forces of light. How else to celebrate than with this sizzling soft-rock masterpiece? Symphony's soundtrack is part of what has made the game so beloved in the minds of Vania fans the world over, and all throughout the score is very textured and eclectic, ranging from spooky ambience to kickass power-metal. It also contains such amusing track titles as "Rainbow Cemetery", "Festival of Servants", and "Abandoned Pit", which a friend of mine once left looping on my dorm room computer while I was out until it had played 327 times. And then there's this. With all due respect to vocalist Cynthia Harrell, calling this slow jam incongruous is putting it very mildly. I guess the idea was to give us a suitably cinematic love theme to close out on, given the epic nature of the game. We may be supposed to contemplate the tragic nature of vampire hero Alucard having destroyed his father, but as soon as that saxophone starts up it's impossible to think of anything other than a good old 1997-style tastefully restrained shagging. Another cut that might get the job done is "Crystal Tears", as long as gothic organ-style synth solos aren't a dealbreaker for you and your lucky significant other. Pray that they aren't, lest you screw the whole thing up and be left alone on another Friday night with your miserable little pile of secrets. By which I mean your genitals.

    4) "Birdman", Pilotwings 64

    Because anyone in a bright green wing suit = prime sexual real estate. Pilotwings 64 offered many vehicles and modes of play from hang gliders to a "rocket belt", but the strangest was probably the Birdman outfit. The main reason you'd pick it would be to explore the serene landscape and look for Easter eggs once you got bored with the standard mission objectives. Why composer Dan Hess decided to make this so damn sexy is a mystery: the tempo is unmistakably pornalicious, and if there's any doubt it immediately vanishes once the faux-flute appears around 2:30. You can almost certainly bet that somebody somewhere has created their own Birdman suit for a different type of recreational activity (which just seems a little impractical more than anything). Still, I suppose if I was gliding around over a polygonal island there's no reason I wouldn't listen to music like this, especially if I'd just been hanging out with Robin, amirite fellas? Although I'm sure Ibis has the better personality.

    3) "Stickerbush Symphony", Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest

    What was Rare trying to tell us? Sure, unless you're Dr. Abraxas, there's nothing inherently sexy in navigating a pair of monkeys in people clothes through a giant bee-infested briar patch. But take this tune out of context and my mind goes straight into Cinemax mode. Maybe it's just me. I prefer to think that there was a secret conspiracy to inspire sexual thoughts in America's young people throughout the '90s, which is why so many of us developed crippling addictions to both porn and videogames. Or maybe Rare had a secret softcore division in the Philippines that none of us know about. No wonder they made Conker's Bad Fur Day. There's only so much you can suppress the urges brought on by listening to such MIDI devilry all day.

    2) "Dolphin", The Longest Journey

    If you've been playing all of the items on this list in order and things have sufficiently heated up, you can consider this the "just kidding, now let's actually have sex" track. While they're all pieces you probably can fuck to, this is the only one that I'm sure someone must have fucked to at some point, in that it sounds the most like something you'd actually have on your ipod. Longest Journey had a lot of great, atmospheric, industrial music in it, and this is a prime example. You get a nice two-minute intro before the beats and underwater vocals show up, and then it's all aboard the futuristic fuck train. Between this and Fahrenheit/Indigo Prophecy's use of Martina Topley Bird's "Sandpaper Kisses", it should be obvious that adventure gamers are better lovers. Not that I'm bragging or anything. The tradeoff is that we had to play Dreamfall, so all you non-adventurers can feel relieved (IT'S A JOKE! NOT A TROLL, I SWEAR!).

    1) "Victory Fanfare," Any Final Fantasy Game

    If you have sex with someone and you time it so that this plays right after the two of you climax and they agree to see you again, you two should get married immediately.


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    According to some sources, this is the Twister Remix that iTunes is already selling in some countries.

    No-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-No-oh! No-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-No-oh!

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    1984 Private Defense Contractors and Ruby Films have set South Korean helmer Park Chan-wook ("Oldboy") to direct crime drama "Corsica 72" from a Black List script by "Skyfall" scribes Neal Purvis and Robert Wade.

    Producers will include company principals Adi Shankar and Spencer Silna at 1984 Private Defense Contractors, which acquired the project; and Alison Owen and Paul Trijbits of Ruby Films. Purvis and Wade, who have written five James Bond films including Sam Mendes' latest installment, will also serve as producers.

    Based on a true story, period pic follows two best friends who live on the small island of Corsica where they choose different paths in life -- one as an honest working man, the other as a gangster -- and feud over a woman who comes between them.

    In addition to appearing on the 2009 Black List, script placed second on the 2009 Brit List. Park's fellow international filmmakers Oliver Hirschbiegel ("Downfall") and Luca Guadagnino ("I Am Love") were previously attached to direct "Corsica 72," and stars such as Andrew Garfield and Gemma Arterton have circled past incarnations. Project is gaining steam at Hollywood's tenpercenteries as agents scramble to get their top under-30 clients in the casting mix.

    Having wrapped his English-language debut "Stoker" for Fox Searchlight, Park recently agreed to direct S. Craig Zahler's Black List oater "The Brigands of Rattleborge" for Red Granite Pictures and Mythology Entertainment. That ultra-violent pic necessitates the casting of a major star, so while "Corsica" has no start date yet, it is expected to lense before "Brigands."

    "Having spent the majority of my life in Southeast Asia I have been a fan of director Park my whole life," Shankar said. "Where I'm from it doesn't get any better than Park Chan-wook."

    The WME-repped Park previously directed the "Vengeance" trilogy, which includes "Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance," "Lady Vengeance," and "Oldboy." Fox Searchlight will give "Stoker" a platform release on March 1, 2013.

    1984, which recently co-financed Joe Carnahan's "The Grey" and Andrew Dominik's upcoming Brad Pitt-starrer "Killing Them Softly," recently tapped Dutch Southern to write an all-female riff on the star-studded "Expendables" franchise.


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    Selena Gomez was spotted at the Miami airport today in an ensemble Miley Cyrus might be proud of. The actress wore jeans with boots and a ripped white T-shirt with a dark purple bra underneath. Her undergarment peeked out just a bit — enough to make a statement but not quite a wardrobe malfunction.

    Gomez was with a pal at the airport and they were reportedly headed out of town. Earlier this weekend the star was working on a movie in Atlanta so perhaps she's going back to LA now to aid her ailing boyfriend. Justin Bieber's been under the weather for days!

    Bieber has been alternating between complaining about being sick and talking about his music and upcoming tour. He's heading to cities around the globe soon enough and has already started doing full-out rehearsals. While that's exciting and all, we have to ask: Will these two be able to do the long-distance thing again?

    Isn't that the girl from the tv show Hollywood Heights?

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    The Avengers Bluray/DVD release is already stiring up a heap of controversy. How you ask?

    Above is a screenshot from the American home video release of the Avengers. It is the same version of the scene that was released in theaters.

    Above is a screenshot from the U.K. home video release of the Avengers. You may note a small difference, in that Agent Coulson no longer has a chunk of Loki's staff protruding from his chest, although it's clearly still going into his back.

    What does this mean for our beloved Agent of SHIELD? Absolutely nothing. I don't know why this scene was edited for the U.K. release, but the fact it wasn't edited for other countries means it has absolutely no ramifications as to whether Coulson survived or not, as much as I wish they did. As plenty people have pointed out before, Marvel and Joss Whedon have plenty of reasonable ways to bring Coulson back in they want to; if they felt this scene needed to be altered for some kind of character reason, they would have changed it in all home video releases, not just the U.K.'s. If you see anyone implying this has any kind of relevance other than 1) the U.K. had a censorship issue or 2) someone made a booboo remastering that scene, pay them no attention whatsoever. And this comes from someone who would happily kill any 20 of you to bring Agent Coulson back for the SHIELD show.


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